Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dropping the Mask

The Universe certainly has a way of reminding us to be grateful for what we have. Not only that but in times of near crises or turmoil, it has a way of stirring up hidden or buried emotions and fears. Feelings that usually remain dormant in our day-to-day routine.

Last week my husband took a hot yoga class with me. Let me preface this by saying that hot yoga is not something you jump into. It's like preparing for a marathon. You take it slow and do what your body can do at any given time. It's a practice that is a true test of being in the present moment without ego and judgment.

Regardless of my loving warnings, he went full out and did the entire class. At the end of class he asked if it was possible if you could "pull" a lung. No, but shortness of breath is common. After all, you just spent 90 minutes moving and breathing in a room that was 105 degrees.

So we dismissed his ailment as a side effect of the yoga class and figured it would go away. After 5 days however, I knew it wasn't normal and urged him to go and see a doctor. He instead wanted to "ride it out" and run and ride his bike hoping it would feel better.

After the weekend went by I demanded that he see a doctor. I was mad and felt like I was dealing with a 5 year old but I couldn't force him to go like I could my kids. But why was I mad? Mm hm. First flag of consciousness. That question .... why am I having this emotion? What is it really? Not anger.....

Nine days after the yoga class he went in and was told by the doctor that he had to immediately go the ER. His lung was collapsed completely. He had been walking around for 9 days with a collapsed lung. WHAT? But he didn't go straight to the ER. He came home first to see me and to research it on the Internet. WHAT?

So now I am angry! What is he thinking? But alas, those two gorgeous angels are there, staring at me, watching to see my reaction. Another flag of consciousness. Here we go - I'm about to imprint an event in their minds that will stay there forever. What do I want that memory to be? Not fear, not anger, not, fun, adventure! I ask the girls to go upstairs, put on warm clothes and grab their some toys they can fit in their purse. We are going on an adventure!

While the kids are upstairs I am telling him to get off the computer, off the phone and into the car. The whole while he argues with me! He wants to call the hospital and find out what they are going to do to him. Mm hm...third flag of consciousness. What is he thinking? He's fearful. And how does he deal with it .... not anger, denial....delay.

But the anger of my own fear can't relate to his delay and denial and I just get more frustrated. The girls come down and we immediately change the tone, get in the car and drive to the hospital.

I feel a weight lifted from me when we arrive because now I know he has to listen to someone else besides me. He is obviously not happy because he knows this too. Both of us are so scared. After 2 hours the doctor informs him that he indeed has a collapsed lung and he will have to wear a tube in his chest to re-inflate it. All will be well at some point.

This story brought me to so many conscious moments but I picked this one lesson to sum it all up.

Wouldn't it would be easier if we went directly to the root of our feelings instead of masking them with other emotions like anger, stubbornness or denial? Wouldn't it be great if we could just say, "I am really afraid that you may die or spend a extensive amount of time in the hospital. I don't know what I would do without you. Can we please go?" OR "I am really afraid of what they are going to do to me. I just want to provide for my family. I can't get sick like this. I'm super scared right now." That would mean we would be completely conscious in that moment! This one action would bring us directly to our conscious truth! How could that change things?

Why do I share this? So many reasons. One is for me - to get it out and off my chest. To make sure that the thoughts in my head aren't haunting me at night. And I know that I am not alone in these types of situations. By sharing we are able to open the curtains to others so they may "see the light" as well when something similar happens in their life.

Finding our truth affords us freedom from suffering. It opens us to a whole new world that is light and bright. Know that almost all feelings stem from fear or or the other. Take a look at your own reactions and emotions. See if they can be traced to fear or love. I bet they can.

No comments: