Summer's End

Wow....what the heck happened to summer? I mean really? The weather never really got "summer-like", the kids were busier than I can remember, and I feel like all I did was empty clothes from their suitcases, wash them and repack!

What happened?

Now it's uniforms and homework...ALREADY?

I promised to write a blog every week; I had a list of projects I wanted to do outside; I told Isabella I would teach her how to tell time finally (hey no judgments....I have an issue with time as it is!). Seriously...now what? Is there a way to press pause on the life button?

The only thing I can honestly say about this summer is that we were all very present. This was the first summer that I actually stopped to smell roses, looked at a grasshopper up close, played a silly made up game with my kids and chased the ice cream man down the street. There was nothing else going on besides whatever it was that they were doing.

So why am I so sad to see it end? Well, for the obvious reason like the change in the weather. I love the sunshine.....But beyond that I know that these two little angels will be very different kids next summer. And every moment, even the ones when I argued with those two, were priceless. They will never be the same kids and before I started living in the present, I don't think I really recognized that reality.

Summer will be very different next year and it's crazy to actually understand that. I keep asking myself "Did I take enough photos? Did I spend enough time individually with them? Did I teach them anything good?" So what did I learn and FINALLY in my life abide by?

Live in the NOW... not in the past, not in the future...but the NOW. That's all we have and man....the now is so dang cool.

I may NEVER get those scrapbooks done but livin' it is really where it's at!

Peace everyone!

Untitled

The words I search for now are words I have used before. However, to describe this experience with Off the Mat and Into the World really is challenging because the words ring more truth and speak to the depths of soul much more than I could have ever imagined.

Affirming is a word that comes to mind. Spirit awakening; truth excavating; illusion shattering are all phrases that have flown across my psyche this week. To say I have grown my community exponentially is an understatment. To recognize that I am an agent of global change is illuminating. To FEEL like I have met these people before, the people enrolled in this program alongside me, tells me that Divinity exists and that we are all a part of it - should we choose to get out of our own drama and self-loathing and wake up.

I have spoken these words for many years but never truly embodied them as I do now.

I could not have imagined what my path would be until now. I could not have recognized that my lovely mission was right here, under my nose from the very beginning.

Esalen has been the most amazing gift thus far in my life. To say I have found heaven on Earth would simply begin to encapsulate my experience here. Every fear I have ever had presented itself to me this week and I took each challenge on with vulnerable, child like grace; erradicating that fear and finally recognizing that it has never been who I am .... only a part that can no longer define me.

I am excited, my soul is inspired, my heart is clear and clean....Life is abundant.

Thank you for listening to these simple words spoken from my soul. I am ready to share to much with this world. I am grateful for the courage I found and the amazing friends who have encouraged me this past week. I see the light within my mentors and it shines ever so brightly within mySelf.

peace.

Seems as if my blogs are always about my children....that's because they are my yoga practice....daily.....all day....every day during the summer. Sometimes we have a nice restorative practice together and other times it's a hot yoga practice day. With two girls who are mini-me's...in every sense of the word....I am reminded every second of every day about where I came from, where I am and where they could be headed.

It becomes quite a challenge to stay centered, without judgment or expectation, while just "being". And somedays it seems much easier to be asleep (unconscious) then awake (conscious)....somedays I wish that I would go back to my "before yoga" Self but I know that is not ever possible.

Once you wake up, you can never go back to sleep.

I starting beating myself up the other day for not "keeping up" with all my photos and memory boards of our escapdes over the years. I have a dining room table that will never be used for eating because it's covered in photos of our life from 3 years...yes I know...disgraceful. My mom would be disappointed I am sure.

But I started thinking about how to be in the moment. How can we be in the moment if we are forced to look at the past and put it in books, in order, labeled and out for everyone to see?

We can't. (And if you know how to do this, please, by all means, let me know! I am not opposed to be proven wrong here!) So I have decided to simply keep up with our life of (currently) lemonade stands, fairy house building, water balloon fights, dolls having breakfast with us and or course the almost daily time outs in our own rooms (yes me included!) I order photos as needed and keep them in some order while living life.

I can't pause life, I wouldn't want to. One day my house will be quiet, I will be bored, I will have more than enough time on my hands and I will have enough money to enjoy it fully. So for now I live life, breathe, notice and just be in this moment, right now.

Oh....I love yoga, meditation, my yogi friends and inspirational guidance ......

Have a goregous day everyone.....notice something incredible today...RIGHT NOW!

Steppin' On Toes

I spent the weekend at the beach with my husband and had many opportunities to just be. We were able to talk without being interrupted, take naps AND I didn't have to repeat myself one time!

While eating lunch one afternoon at a little outdoor cafe, I noticed a little boy crying. He was clearly having a hard time expressing himself. I know all too well, how many times these situations can really get out of hand. My heart went out to the little tike as well as the tired parents, trying to be patient in public.

And then I thought a little deeper...like always. When we are little, we just say it like it is. We cry when we need something, we cry when we are frustrated, we kick and scream and fall on the floor for intense affect. We don't know how to hold in our feelings; we don't know how to "suck it up", we don't know how to "deal with it".

And while I agree these are important things to learn as a growing human being, I do have an issue with just how much we have been trained to hold in and "deal with".

Think about it...this is a learned behavior. To hold your true thoughts in; to stop crying; to hold back tears. What happens to all those held in feelings? I can tell you, they manifest as anger, fear, resentment, greed, despair, attachment and other debilitating feelings as an adult.

So how can we stop this cycle? Let them talk. Comfort them when they are having a tantrum. Ask them how they are feeling. Tell them it's ok to express themselves. Maybe it can be in private later, but it's still ok to say how you feel!

A great friend of mine told me once, "If you don't let your kids step on your toes as children, they will step on your heart as an adult."

Gulp....

If anyone has any comment or outlook on this, I would LOVE to hear it! Hope you all have a great day! I'm going to get my toes stepped on!